Dealing with stress and anxiety
Stress and anxiety are a natural part of all our lives. We actually need them to keep us safe. They are the triggers for our ‘fight or flight’ mode and allow us to react to danger. Stress and anxiety are actually brilliant motivators but, when they get out of control, they become unresourceful. Instead of protecting us, they prevent us from moving forward. In this article we explore some simple NLP and mindfulness techniques to help you deal with stress and anxiety as well as how life coaching can help you longer term.
Why do we need stress and anxiety?
Stress and anxiety stop us from walking out into a busy road without looking. They motivate us to get a job and earn money to so we can eat and clothe ourselves. Each day they motivate us and keep us safe. One of the first things to understand is that they are always trying to help us. However, when we lose connection with with our stress and anxiety they can run riot in their bid to help.
Taking back control of stress and anxiety involves both short and long term actions. Below you will find some methods to restore calm in stressful moments. For longer term solutions please do get in touch with me for a free chat on how I can help.
Let’s break that stressed or anxious state
Breaking state is the essence of everything we are trying to do with the suggestions below. State refers to the emotional state we are in. We often feel we can’t change how we are feeling - we are stuck - but it’s incredible how fast we can actually do this. For example, you’re driving home from having a massage, feeling super relaxed. Then someone cuts you up, causing you to slam on the brakes. Immediately your state has changed from relaxed to angry. You’re still stewing on how rude this person was when your favourite song comes on the radio. It’s upbeat and brings back great memories. Now you’re singing and smiling along. In just a few minutes you have broken state twice, moving from one feeling to another.
Let’s go to space!
Breaking state doesn’t always happen quickly or naturally. Sometimes we need to take control in order for it to occur. One way to help the process is to dissociate from our current state. This means stepping outside of yourself and looking back in a detached way. By doing this you put space between you and the emotion.
As with many NLP methods, this is almost a visualisation trick. When in a stressed or anxious state, which you don’t feel in control of, use your mind to take yourself as far away from your physical being as you need in order to dissociate from the emotion. It could be that you take yourself into the garden. Perhaps you will need to be at the other end of your street. Some people even shoot themselves into space and look back down! Remember, you’re not physically going anywhere (unless you have booked tickets for the space programme), just mentally moving away from emotions.
Take your time. Spend as long as you need in the garden/space etc until you feel that unresourceful state dissipate. Then you can calmly carry on with what you were doing. This technique is helpful if you’re feeling very upset or going through grief too. Well done for making the decision to dissociate from your unresourceful feelings.
Listen to a great track
That favourite song we mentioned coming on the radio earlier - have it ready! Do you have a song which never fails to make you feel happy? One which makes you want to sing along, smile and move? That’s your break state song.
Mine is Shake It Out by Florence and the Machine. I’ll never forget my ex-housemate and I shaking it out to this song when we were both having a bad day. And yes, it really is best if you dance to the song. It might feel awkward at first but once you get used to the family pet/your partner or children staring at you a little oddly, you’ll find you really enjoy it. Dance like nobody’s watching! They might even join in.
When the song finishes take note of how you’re feeling. Have the wonderful endorphins kicked in and broken your state? Make sure you congratulate yourself for taking control of your feelings.
Be Present
During our lives we are rarely totally present. What’s happened in the past and what is going to happen in the future are constantly in our mind. Our minds work that way in order to organise us. But, if we’re feeling overwhelmed having a mindfulness strategy to allow us to be totally present can provide a much needed break.
My favourite technique and one which has helped me personally is to list all you can see, hear, smell and feel around you. You can be indoors or outside but take two minutes to mentally start listing everything.
For example; I can see a hedge, a blackbird, the grass, a cloud etc. You can list all the colours you can see. How about listing all the things you can feel; the sensation of your clothes against your skin, your little toe being cold, your breath going into your lungs. Don’t linger on anything. As you list one thing move steadily on to the next. If you find your mind wandering, gently bring it back to your list. What are all the sounds around you? It’s amazing how much we notice when we take notice.
At the end of your two minutes how are you feeling? Have you been able to break the thought pattern you were stuck in. Give yourself a big pat on the back for deciding to do this.
How did you get on?
Which of these techniques worked best for you? Did you adapt any of them to work better? What was your song? Where did you go to dissociate? I would love to hear what resonated with you and answer any questions. Do drop your comments in the box at the bottom of the article to let me know.
What next?
These techniques are wonderful for bringing you back out of a stressed or anxious state. It’s also important to consider longer term solutions. Gaining a deeper understanding of what has triggered your stress and anxiety is incredibly helpful. Life coaching is the perfect way to help you gain that understanding, as well as giving you great tools to prevent your stress and anxiety getting out of control in the first place.
Stress and anxiety can hold us in a ‘stuck’ place for a long time. But by choosing to change you can start moving forward again in a confident and happy way. Contact me now for a free chat about how life coaching can help you do this.
